When you think of Paintball, images of power moves and heavy shooting come to mind. Not to me. I don't believe in the "brute force" method of Paintball. Then again, when your latest purchase is a Phantom Stock Gun, firepower isn't really gonna be an option. No, I think of finesse. I think of a mental game that you can really exploit once you stop shooting so much damn paint and actually use that grey matter you have. "But I'm using my brain!" Yeah. Shoot a hopper at the other guy, and if you get lucky and actually hit him run forward into that bunker and go toe-to-toe with the next guy. Sure thing Einstein. I look forward to your dissertation on the metaphysical properties of marmalade at Harvard next week.
The mental side of Paintball is overlooked when you go outside of yourself. Most tactics articles talk about what you need to do to force an issue or to make that killer move. Not many people talk about the opponent as an integral part of your game. But, when it all comes together, you ultimately have to beat the team in the other flag station, correct? Ok, then, let's talk about playing with their heads.
I want to begin by mentioning Steve Davidson. Back in 1991 or so he had an article published in (the now defunct) Paintcheck magazine called "Tips for the Loner." The article talked mainly about using the mental side of the game, and how to piss people off for personal gain and tournament victories. He had some evil ideas that started me thinking back then. I didn't really uncork all the tricks, because I didn't play tournaments. But proper application of head games is what I carried away from it. So, thanks Steve. You made me the rat bastard I am today, and I love you for it.
I'll start with the obvious: the dead man's walk. Unless you've been living in a cave for the last century you know what this is. But, for the Australopithecine among us, the dead man's walk is a maneuver where a player simply stands up, and pretends to be eliminated by just walking off the field. It preys on the unspoken player code of "Don't shoot a guy who's already out." It's gotten so bad that there are specific rules written to specifically deal with this problem in tournament circles. How high you can raise your arms, what you can or can't say, who you have to tell. It gets very technical after that. And you can't go to an NPPL event without someone pulling off a dead man's walk.
Blasé, boring, been done, done it. It's also very dangerous for walk-on play because it works once at the beginning of the day, then everyone who's walking out with a plug in their gun and their hands in the air gets lit up for the rest of the day. It's for this reason many fields disallow it and many players question its legality in tournament play. Does this mean I don't recommend it? Hell no! By all means go for it! The players who say it should be outlawed should be reminded that it's a deception tactic. It's no different than wearing camouflage or using cover effectively. It's just very ballsy, and very risky.
But there's so much more to the mental game than a dead man's walk. The DMW is just more common, and the one that everyone talks about when it gets pulled on them. (Usually with enough cursing that virgin ears explode without warning). There are so many more tricks that you can uncork on your opponents, so many more deceptions to pull that make the DMW look dull. Want a few to get started? I've tried most of these tricks, and they work pretty well if you use them correctly. I refer to all of these as "gags," because it's like pulling off a good joke. Hence, a "gag" is born. Just remember, Paintball isn't worth pissing someone off for. When in doubt, let it go and use conventional methods.
Back in the day of 12 grams, there was a great trick we all used. All the old 12 grammers know the Hiss trick. Try it at home. With a little practice and a stock gun to compare it to, you too can make a Hiss sound with your mouth that sounds just like a 12 gram being degassed from a PGP. Why would you want to do it? Back then, that sound meant that the other guy was changing 12 grams, and they wouldn't be able to shoot for at least 10 to 20 seconds, depending on skill level and gun model. So the gag was you'd make that sound, wait for someone to declare "He's out of air! Get him!" And when they break cover, you pop up and shoot them with impunity. Alternatively, when you needed to change 12 grams yourself for real, you start yelling codes for your team to cover the "hiss" sound the gun is really making.
Well, now we don't use 12 grams, but the gag is alive and well if you have an on/off tank on your gun (especially blowback semis). The updated gag is simple. Crank the valve about 3/4 closed, and rapid fire the gun sideways. Since it's being starved, a blowback semi will start to cycle. Then quickly recock the bolt and crank open the valve back to full. They'll assume the obvious, and when they come out to nail you, hammer down on them. If you do this early in the day, it has the added advantage of making your opponents more hesitant to charge your position when you do run out of air and your gun cycles again.
This style of misdirection, based on gun problems has its additional uses. If you have a stick squeegee, make a show out of "cleaning your barrel" by putting the thing next to the barrel and pretending to clean it out. Or, if you're in a good bunker, just yell to your teammate "I need a squeegee! I broke a ball here!" or "I'm out of (insert thing here)!" Paint, air, anything works. There's a ton of variations on the theme here. The whole idea of "gun problem" gags is to fool your opponent into believing you're helpless in order to draw them out. Once they've committed to anything on you, it's hard to back out of it. And you can really hammer them for it.
Another misdirection that works best in big games is the armband gag. Again, there's a lot of variations on the theme which can be used as needed, but you'll get the idea. Remember, it's illegal to tuck your armband inside your sleeve or under your elbow pads. But that doesn't mean you can't play with it. It's easiest to explain situationally.
I was playing at Paintball Sam's big game this May for the white team. By the time I had gotten on the field, and saw the situation at hand, my team (white) had taken a beating in the barrels, and the blue team of 60 players or more was rolling towards a teammate and me hard and fast. "We don't want to be here," I said. "Follow me." And I led him to the hills section and we dove over it. We watched the blue team literally run past us toward our main fort going for our flag and not sweeping the field. "OK, now we have some fun."
We got up and walked at the other team. Knowing they'd leave at least one person looking behind them, I cradled my Phantom in my arm, the pump arm and barrel covering my armband from the front. I made sure it was visible from all other sides to be legal. And, sure enough, one person saw my approach. He waved me in, and I tapped him on the shoulder to eliminate him. (The rules stated if you touch your opponent, that person is out.) I repeated this with nine players before someone wised up to what I was doing and got me. My partner got another three or four. It's not illegal to cover your armband with your barrel, remember. Use trees, the ground, anything to cover that puppy and, with some acting ability, you'll get far. That's the deception. If they're not with it enough to ask to see an armband, they deserve what they get.
The previous day at Sam's, I was crawling up on the other team with a different player. He was in full camos, I was in a blue JT jersey and blue woodland pants. So I knew it was a matter of time before I was spotted. We made it about 20 feet away from the other team before they asked any questions. "Bury your band," I whispered behind me, and I rocked my body over my armband. I yelled "It's clear! Move up!" They began to argue about what color I was, and I kept yelling I was on their team. One guy finally decided to shoot me from 10 feet. I got up screaming bloody murder at this guy, calling him every name I could think of. "I'm on your damn team, you moron!". As I got up, I cradled my gun in my arm to cover the band I had been laying on. As I walked out, I literally stepped between the legs of my partner, bitching the whole way at this poor guy for shooting his own teammate. The upshot was that my partner shot that guy, and then backshot a few more before they caught on and nailed him.
This brings me to verbosity. Be as creative as you want to, and as visceral as you want. Bonus points for creativity. What you want to do is catch someone thinking, and not acting. Reacting, and not being proactive. The right wordplay can break down anyone. But you have to be careful here, a mad person will ignore hits as they walk over to make you eat your teeth. But creative verbosity is both entertaining to the referees and fun for your friends.
The best lines are immediate and easy to yell. My current favorite is "Grab a straw, 'cuz you just suck!" Marty Bush had a fun one: "If you fell out of a boat, you couldn't hit water." Others can be situational. While playing a big game I got disgusted with some kids who refused to shoot me (I was walking around and couldn't find anyone to shoot at) and walked away from them. The three unloaded at my back, putting about 30 to 50 shots each at me from less than 50 feet. Nothing touched me. I turned around and said "You guys are pathetic. Just truly pathetic." I let that sink in a moment before I proceeded to shoot them sadistically. In that moment they dropped their arms and stood literally dumbfounded. Had I kept walking, they would have kept firing.
Another method is the "Lesson" method of wordplay. At the World Record Game of '98, I was behind a tree that was clearly not big enough to fit one person, let alone me. The only good cover I had was range, the tree was just too far to make an effective shot on me break. I had people unloading on my position, but nothing hit me. So I began my lesson. You have to remember I was screaming this across the field in the middle of a massive shootout. "You see this? This is a PMI-2 DF! I bought it for $50 from a field owner second hand. I see you have an Angel over there! Quite a nice gun for $1,500! Show me what $1,500 can buy! So far, I'm not impressed! I'm doing more with my $50 than you are with your $1,500"
And on and on. I was going for the annoyance factor because I had teammates around me in the scrub brush and grasses. It worked, as I had someone charge at me and get hammered, and he then demanded the $50 that I had "promised him." He misheard me, but it had the desired effect. The old Hobbes Patrol call this being a designated idiot, because if they're looking at the idiot, they're not looking at the guy crawling in the grass. This works in tournament play for your cover man trying to keep the other team's focus on him. (And, no, I didn't give him $50. He wasn't worth it)
Since I brought it up, wordplay is a vital part of tournaments as well. Not just insults and jabs, but also in your code book. Deciphering the codes can be tough, but just getting one key to their puzzle can make great things happen. One of the New York Dogs told me a great story about a team that used months of the year as their code book. The center guy figured it out mid game and started yelling "April, April!" When three opponents charged up the center, he picked them off easily.
This principle can be applied in reverse as well. Throwing junk codes in with your usual codes confuses people. If you have the field zoned out in red (left), white (center) and blue (right) and you're doing a count, your code call could sound like, "Five black, Three blue, Two Yellow, No Red, Three White, Three Green." Your vital information makes it across the field, but the junk code throws the other team off a little. It's also important to have junk codes with your elimination count, as you don't want to broadcast that you have two guys left on the field if you don't have to.
Wordplay goes into another area, but you need even more acting ability to pull it off. I call it the Zen Player. It usually only works once a day, and you have to sell it hard. It's one of my favorite ploys, because if you get eliminated, it's still working without you being there. (Yeah yeah, another personal game story, but you'll see why it's important).
The game is a total defense style, there are four players in a fort, dug in like ticks on a sheepdog. I'm the only offensive player left on the field, and I'm running out of options. I try a crawl, but they spot me and start shooting it out. I'm behind good cover, but I can't really move forwards, and backwards is difficult. So I pull out my Zen player. "Bob! Get ready to move up! They're shooting at me, you're good to go!" I'm waiving my hands, pointing at a pretty big tree, making the sell. "They don't see you Bob! Move to that tree! Ready? 3-2-1 GO BOB!" and I pop up and empty my loader on the fort. "Good Move! Good Move! Stay down, they don't see you yet!"
The guys in the fort are confused, as I expected. One guy pops his head up to get a better look, and I paste him. "Good shooting Bob. You got him!" The remaining three guys buy into it, and they're looking the other direction from me, giving me freedom to move a little bit between glances. All the while I'm giving Bob cover fire, berating him for not moving up or covering me while I move, and so on. The three guys in the fort decide to break cover. One runs at me, the other guy takes off at Bob. The one on me gets a lucky shot on my hand, and I'm out. The ref, who knew I was the only one left, blows the horn. "Hey! There's still one more out there!" the defenders say. I smile and shake my head. Hook, line and sinker. Caught me three good sized fish. Acting ability helps sell it, because you're doing everything you'd do for another player. Why assume it's not a regular player?
Wordplay can be more mischievous if you know the rules of the day. At most places to play, lying about your team color is not against the rules. So if anyone asks "What color are you?", odds are they're from the other team. (This is why you set up a quick code before each game. I say "Rocky," you say "Bullwinkle," we're on the same team. Next game it'll be "Tea" and "Crumpets". You get the idea.) So if you have a team code set up, lie all you want. You get the best reactions that way.
You should also know the rules concerning the tapeline. I bring this up because some fields won't allow you to shoot across a tapeline that angles into the field in a dog leg or has tapeline corners for whatever reason. Use this to your advantage like a great big window where they can't shoot you from. They hate this, and every time they pull the trigger to shoot across the tapeline at you, yell for a ref and have them pulled for breaking the rules. When a player sees another player, they want to pull the trigger even if they know they aren't allowed to under the rules.
Windows open up a whole new area of playing with people's heads. Tournaments have been going towards see through bunkers with netting or actual windows, and it's a shame not to use them. Wave at the other team. Let them know you can see them! Make them sweat. Or wave at them to lull them into a false sense of security and shoot them liberally. If someone is on the other side of the window, open a conversation with them. Offer them beer, make them think. I don't recommend flipping them off or any other finger gestures like that. You need those fingers to use your trigger - don't risk them getting broken or removed.
It should be said that it is never legal to lie about your playing status in the game. If you're in, and you tell another player you are eliminated, you're gone. If you raise your hands in the air to pretend you're eliminated, you're out. If you put your barrel plug in, you're done. If you say "Shit!", it sounds an awful lot like "hit." You're gone. If you tell an opposing player "I'm hit" and miraculously come back to shoot him from five feet away, that's blatant cheating. There's no excuse, NO EXCUSE, to blatantly cheat. You may as well be wiping off hits and cranking your velocity up at that point. If someone asks if you're still in, either say nothing of fess up to it. You may be shocked at the reaction you get.
So the big question is how you, as an individual player, don't fall victim to these ruses yourself. Stay on your toes, never assume anything, and keep your head. I ask all the players that walk into my arc, "Are you eliminated?" If they say anything but yes, or if they don't answer in a few seconds, I shoot once. I never ask what team a person is on if we don't have team codes, I demand to see an armband. If they don't produce, shoot. It's brutal, yes, but I gave the player a chance to answer. One shot makes the point, anything more is sadism. If I'm walking up on what I know is my team, I raise my arm to show a band. If I'm not, I'll bury the band. Know the signals of someone who looks deceptive, never assume the obvious because it's almost never the obvious.
A good magician never tells his secrets. I let a lot of my secrets go in this article, but not all of them. I still have a lot more tricks up my sleeve. I don't uncork all my tricks all the time, just at the right time. Does this mean you can't trust me on the field? Well, I wouldn't say that. I mean, would I lie to you?